I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
