Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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