i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
