I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
