Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
