I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
