Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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