I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
