When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
