Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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