I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
