brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Im part way to drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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