its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
