Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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