Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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