dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you will always have a special place in my vag
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
