tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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