So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
