even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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