you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
