you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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