I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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