I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
