Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found puke in my bra..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
