I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
