We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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