Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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