Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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