You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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