I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ugly people sure do ruin things
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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