just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
