I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
