I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
