Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize