I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
