I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
