therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
