I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think i peed on brittanys purse
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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