ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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