how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
