Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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