Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
