Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Someone shit on the floor
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
