You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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