...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
