On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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