I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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