I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it glows. i had to have it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
