Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
