dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
