have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
