Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
