Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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