She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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