i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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