So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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