I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize