I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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