Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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