I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
