When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
