I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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