Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
