the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
