Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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