meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
