Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
