Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
