His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize