Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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