First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
