You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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