I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She bit a glass in half.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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