We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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