Pappa wants mamma naked
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
