Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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