So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
