There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize