Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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