I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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