remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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